When I start to tell people about the connection between porbnography and many of the sexually related crimes we see, most people either do not see the connection, or refuse to see the connection. Then I share the following information with them and suddenly their eyes are open.
So often in the news today we see child pornography rings getting busted or sexually related assaults, molestations, abuse and even homicides but we rarely do the necessary homework to try and tie this all together.
To fully understand this is to recognize that such a process of becoming an abuser takes a lot of time. Normally it starts with easy access to pornography. When a young person, most often males at this time (although there is a growing number of females becoming addicted), finds pornography, it's usually around age 10 or 11 that it actually begins to attach itself to the pre-pubescent curious brain. This is where many parents make the mistake of dismissing an attachment to pornography. Many will look at it as a phase (which in all honesty, it could be simply that), or it's not going to hurt anyone because they're just looking at pictures. Even when it comes to the act of masturbaction, many fathers will say, "what's the big deal, I did it. We all do it."
However, the activity of masturbation, as it normally accompanies viewing pornography, can really become a stronghold in a young person's life. It feels physically good and because of the brain chemistry, there can be some rearrangement of chemicals that continue to draw the young child back to such behavior. It happens the same way with regular substances such as heroin or marijuana or alcohol. If this behavior becomes normative for the young person, it will be hard for them to break the cycle without a commitment to stopping any and all behaviors as well as avoiding such triggers as porn or other sexually suggestive triggers that we see all around us everyday. It's extremely hard.
Now, what is seen by a young, immature person in the realm of pornography sets up a burgeoning belief system that this is what sex is all about. The woman craves sex with a man and is game to do it whenever the man wants - in fact, the woman can often seductively start the process. This is a huge misnomer that becomes lodged in the brain. It actually forms into an expectation. This is one of the first areas where porn use and sexual exploitation joins in a seamless way.
Now this normally enters into a physical relationship as the young man grows up. As he begins to date he will oftentimes try and bring the relationship to a sexual place. Kisses become fondling, fondling leads to skin touch, skin touch leads to nudity and then nudity opens the door to potential intercourse. Often times the female in the situation does not want to participate in such activity, which confuses the male, as he has seen quite a bit of opposing behavior in pornography. He feels that for whatever reason, this is just something to overcome. the female is often told that this is what guys are like and what guys want and if they want the guy to really like them, they will let the guy do his thing. (Suddenly sex loses its sacredness). This is normally not told to the child by parents but through peer pressure. My belief is that those who have sold out their virginity to a highly lustful male actually feel horrible and, well, misery loves company. But I can't speak for the female completely, as I am not one.
Now the male has experienced full on intercourse. The feeling mimics his pleasure when he masturbates and so he would like to have more of it. However, the girl probably feels bad that she has traded in this sacred bastion of true love for a brain chemically induced addict to the feelings of sexual pleasure. He's going to want it more and now there comes this chance to live out the imagery he sees in pornography with his girlfriend. This is the second seamless attachment that takes place.
When the girl doesn't feel right about the demands placed on her by this young male, he again gets confused about the fact that all these women in these videos are so lustfully hungrily craving sex at every turn, he begins to become more demanding of the sexual experience with her. Now, slowly but surely, he emulates the control he sees in pornography as normally, today, we see this power and control growing with the demands easily satiated by the female. There could be multiple men with one women seizing control of her body and doing whatever they want with the result being that the woman loves whatever it is that is happening to her. It can also show the lonely housewife going after the delivery guy, and she's probably married. Nurses, secretaries, teachers, etc. All the stereotypical roles that women can often fill, are highly sexualized but still the young man cannot separate the fantasy from reality. He probably sees the female as being a little too difficult to deal with - high maintenance as it comes to his sexual needs. So, just like the novelty presented in pornography, he decides he's going to break it off with her and seek another avenue for pleasure. This is the third seamless connection - novelty found in porn at the click of a mouse button. The male can choose whatever scenario he wishes to see that will be him to a full on orgasm while he is alone. This is called the Coolidge Effect. One ram and one ewe in a pen will create some level of sexuality between the two but the ram will tire of just being with one ewe. But, give a ram 6 or 7 ewes, and he will have sex with all of them until he passes out. Novelty, choice. It creates more of a false understanding of sex in the mind of maturing young male. Now when he is at school or the doctor's office, he may relive this imagery.
Now he has moved on. He has left a young female, now no longer a virgin at age 14 who feels horrible and he is off to find another female who will hopefully give into his need for sexual release. He may find one - or seek out - one who is disenfranchised or neglected by family and wants to attach to someone for affirmation and acceptance. So, she will give into his whim of sexuality to help him stay in her life and give her a sense of meaning. So now he is able to experiment on her in all manner of sexual deviance and she willingly obliges but whoops! Somebody just conceived a child. ABORTION! But the female doesn't want the abortion because the baby is way to tie this male to her life for at least 19 years. Now these two kids have had their life altered radically. This is not one of the seams but it is a high probability in today's culture. What does become a seam is this young man's realization that he no longer has the ability to have his sexual novelty with women. Somehow he must face up to the fact that he has to now, at age 16 take responsibility for a child. He no longer can enjoy his formative years but has now been thrust into adulthood when he wasn't ready and this will mess with his mind even more because he has, for about 4 or 5 years now, been a slave to pornography and its effects and this whole interruption is really messing with him.
He will now revert into pornography for his solace, because after all, it is the one thing that has been there for him through thick and thin. It has always brought him pleasure and it has always presented him with options - and now he has no options because he just became a daddy at age 16.
But let's remove the whole unwanted pregnancy. there will be things that this girl will not want to do sexually. She will most likely recognize that this relationship is not built on anything substantial and will want out. The Coolidge Effect that was taking place in his mind is now faced with a potential break up so reject before rejection and move on to something else. Most likely it will be to increase the porn use. The brain is now shrinking in the logic department and increasing in the reward circuitry. it needs to feel good. After all these many moments of pleasure in sexuality have actually attached themselves to the survival mechanism in the brain. So to feel good sexually means to survive. After all this dysfunction in relationships, he needs to survive and so porn offers that. Now he continues to use. Maybe not every day and maybe more than once a day - many young men do that.
We have talked a ton now about the effects of pornography and its seemingly normative aspects on the person watching but there is the other side of pornography. The industry itself. With every click of the mouse, you show the industry that they are viable and needed. Now the women in the industry who are often coerced with kindness and a feeling of acceptance are now suddenly finding themselves addicted to drugs, dealing with psychological disorders, are dealing with many health complications (sometimes fatal) and often times end their lives, or disappear without a trace. Because we show the industry they are wanted, they continue to keep going after male and female alike presenting one side of the industry as glamorous and leaving out the above, actual true stories. This is one of the sexual exploitation sides that could be stopped if access to porn was curbed.
Back to our young man. By now he's graduating high school. no one really sees what he experiences in the seclusion of his bedroom while he uses his smart devices to access porn regularly and achieve sexual gratification. No one sees that inside his brain some changes are taking place that don't allow him to get the same high watching "normal" porn but he is moving on to highly deviant porn and it is becoming normal for him to think that this actually exists out there in the world. Multiple sex partners and orgies, teen porn, bestiality, pain or defecation porn, male dominance and demanding porn, child porn...
Because he can't find someone in his circles to join in any of these deviant activities with him, he goes out and hires a prostitute for a night just to get it out of his system. Many a prostitute have stated recently they are seeing an uptick in violent, controlling and demanding johns who have this insatiable need to be overbearing in their sexual experiences. Ripping hair, anal sex, oral sex choking and vomiting - just all around forcing them to do whatever they want. Now this person is in society and can easily, if not careful, cross the line into a higher need for sexual satisfaction as it results in acting out physically by going after, say, those younger than him. Maybe teenagers, maybe children under 12, maybe getting involved in a ring of sexual activity as I mentioned earlier.
Now does this always happen this way? No. Bt it happens quite a bit and it is because of this normative sense that porn portrays to a young person who has used this as sex education and thinks it is how the world really is. Most of the time we see the results in broken marriages because the wife does not want to be subservient to all of this overtly dysfunctional sexuality or even the use of pornogrpahy by the husband. She sees it as betrayal and adultery and rightly so. When broken homes happen because of such behavior, the kids are left in the dark and now have to split their loyalty and live these separate lives. Now these poor kids torn apart might find pornography and use it to relieve stress and the whole cycle starts all over again. Perhaps young girls who are unable to handle this break up might isolate herself and leave herself open for coercion into a group where she belongs but it's a cover to front her as a prostitute. Whereas in a whole family unit there is more investment into the children, they have a better chance of growing up and having a proper mindset but porn continues to weasel its way into our families. Many a husband has gone out to utilize a prostitute to bring some sense of calm to his sexual angst. He's still confused that his wife doesn't crave sex like he has been taught and is continually shown as he uses porn through his adulthood. (And trust me, the woman knows when she is being objectified sexually and she hates it.)
Get a filter today!!! Set up accountability and help guard your home computers and smart devices.
Go to the Covenant Eyes filter icon here: Here
In other blogs we will look at other issues such as the local coercion of disenfranchised females who become prostitutes - and the use of porn as marketing for prostitution. As well, we will look at corollary drug addictions where people offer themselves sexually to get more drugs, even mothers who prostitute their young female children for a drug money.