Through-out my struggle with Pornography I always came back to the addiction. Sometimes it was a daily struggle, sometimes it was a few days of temporary freedom, then right back to the addiction. There were also times where I felt I had finally overcome the addiction when I would be able to fight off temptation for a few weeks. In each instance something inside of me was triggered and I would relapse and then feel guilt and shame over what I did - and the cycle would repeat (for over 20 years).
My view of God through-out the addiction was very out of order. I really didn't think much about God to be honest, except for the times that I would beg him for forgiveness for acting out again. It got to the point that I became so numb in the addiction that I really didn't care and really didn't ask God to forgive me. I felt hopeless and alone. My heart was so focused on myself and my needs that I didn't have time to let God take control. I would always take control of my sexuality when I felt the urge. I mean pornography was only a click away.
Porn always served a purpose in my life when I felt lonely and needed a release or when my wife was unavailable to me. I used and manipulated my relationship with my wife. I would really pitch a fit like a child if she told me no. I was able to get her to give into my need for sex most of the time. My compulsion though was to the point that even though we had a good sex life (3-4 times per week), it was not enough. I was looking for more...and more......and more sex. My life was all about sex.
Looking back on my life, I was so selfish and my definition of love was how much my wife was giving into my endless demands for sex. So how did I turn it around? How do you get yourself out of a mindset that always seeks more sex? How do you overcome an addiction that keeps urging you to act out in a sinful way to fulfill the pain you have in your life? I know for myself I was trying to fill a void in my life that porn really couldn't satisfy.
Below are a few of the ways that I was able to overcome my addiction to pornography. Remember, we have to change a mindset that seems to be overwhelming at times. To do this we need consistency in our life. We can't waver back and forth between giving up the addiction and going back into the addiction. So many caught up in this addiction find themselves stuck in the middle of this conflict. We know it's wrong to do, but we convince ourselves just this one last time and that's going to be it. I did it this way for over 20 years and nearly lost my marriage.
Below are a few of the keys that I found to overcoming this addiction.
Building a relationship with Jesus Christ -
Jesus has to move from the bottom of your list to the very top. There can be no compromise if you want freedom in this area of your life. The addiction will break through an open doors that it can. Surrender to Jesus is key. Running to His arms is the most important decision you can make. Running away from Him is what the enemy wants you to do. Draw near to Him and surrender it all over to Him. He wants to show you love, He wants to lift you out of the pit, but the choice is yours. Learn who you are in Jesus and what you mean to Him. So much of this addiction is based on the lies of the enemy that tell you that you are a hopeless cause, that you are not worthy, that you are unlovable, but these are all LIES! Jesus does not see you as hopeless. His heart breaks for you when the wrong decision is made. Know who you are in Christ by picking up a bible and studying the word and find out the truth about who you are in Christ. There is an awesome book that explains a lot of this. It's called "Eyes of Honor" by Jonathan Welton. Get it and meditate on it. Understand that you are powerful in Christ. Learn to fight porn addiction. You are made for much more than being stuck in a life of hopelessness.
Have Support Contact(s) -
One of the most important things to my recovery has been not only my relationship with God, but my relationship with others who understand the struggle that I've faced. It's been vital for me becoming the person that I am today. Porn addiction seeks to isolate you and keep you hidden from others who care. I can tell you that I spent so many years in the darkness and it took me so long to finally come out and admit to another human being that I was struggling. The pride in my life was great, but God was greater. Here at our Reboot group it is a safe place to share your story and hear the stories of others who struggle and also hear from those who have been able to recover and find freedom from this horrible addiction.
Be Proactive -
Use a computer web filter and/or accountability software. If you are serious about recovery you need to be intentional about being transparent. This begins by holding yourself accountable to someone else. This is an important step because as I mentioned above, the enemy is looking for any open doors that he can find and if he finds that the computer is not guarded, then he has an opening that he can begin working on your mind. I have been using Accountable2you.com software and it's very good at what it does. It will even send text alerts to your partner. It costs $4.99 per month, which is a small price to pay to keep you on the right track.
I believe that by following these steps you will be able to overcome this addiction with the power of Jesus residing inside of you. Knowing your identity in Him is everything. You don't have to live another day in addiction. Jesus has called you out and wants so much more for your life. Feel free to contact us on the webpage if you desire to know more about our life-changing group! Blessings to you!